Thursday, 8 January 2015

Chapter 27

It is January again. I time where we all take a look a where we've come from and where we are going next. Whether you are a resolution person or not; our minds tend to entertain these thoughts at the start of a new year. I for one think of new beginnings in the fall season as I have always lived and worked along with the school schedule. I have loved meeting new children every September and starting a learning journey with them. But yet every January you can't help but think of a fresh start again with buying a new calendar to hang on the wall, and suddenly looking at deciding what to fill your schedule with this coming year.

This fall was different for me. I started a new school year with new faces and setting up my classroom to start the adventure together. I had a baby growing in my tummy though that was due to arrive November 10th 2014. I would start my year with as much gumption as I always did but my head was somewhat elsewhere as I prepared for a new child joining my home life. Much to our surprise our baby girl arrived a whole month early on thanksgiving weekend October 12th 2014. This made for an even quicker transition out of my teaching role and I jumped into motherhood without turning back.  

Motherhood. Becoming mommy. Something I have dreamed of my whole life. I am one who can honestly say that becoming a mom has always been at the top of my dream list. It was this far off fantasy that I could not wait to embark on. So what a strange and wonderful feeling to have arrived. Wonderful indeed and crazy when your dreams become your reality.

The first weeks of transitioning were filled with their own challenges of overwhelming emotions, physical healing, strange sleep patterns and so on. Then December rolled around and whether we meant to or not we were caught up in the whirlwind of celebrating  Christmas going here and there and bringing our daughter with us which meant many different people holding our sweet girl. It was strange to be tucking my daughter in at night and realizing how little I had held her that day. Yes sure I had my moments of nursing her but the moment that was done there was a wait list of people wanting to hold our precious girl. I don't mean to complain. These people were overjoyed for us and wanted to share in our awe and amazement at the little life we created. It is my joy to share her with others. Christmas can just seem overwhelming with many days like this with a little one. I was happy to celebrate the season and just as happy to slow down in the new year.

Which brings me to now. The first full week of January that my calendar is much more wide open than I think it ever has been. My job? Well I have a little baby girl to take care of every day and night. I have a home to 'try' to keep somewhat running smoothly. My family that was so recently made a little bigger has become my full time 'job'. What a strange sensation. Why less than three months ago I was a staff member in a workplace. I ate lunch in a staff room. I planned and engaged with other people that were my day time commitment. I had a boss and colleagues to be accountable to. In many ways it is a distant memory already because I am not the same person I was three months ago already.

I have a child. I have a child that is my own. And what a blessing and challenge it is, and will be, to care for her every need. Will it be hard? Of course. Will it be rewarding? Of course. I like to remind myself daily and especially in those late night feedings, how much a baby needs it's mother. There will only be a short window of time in my child's life that she will need me this much. And what a special feeling knowing I am the one to meet those needs. Right now it is a cry and outstretched arms but before I know it I will be on the receiving end of a long drawn out, "Mom"! I will remember to try and be grateful to be the one my children will need. Because as a songwriter once wrote;

"You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"
-Trace Adkins

So my new years resolution? My resolution is to be here, right now where I am and enjoy it. Don't rush it. Don't  wish it away. I need to stop thinking too far ahead making my next big dreams and plans. Of course I will continue to have hopes and dreams, but I will not let them take me away from where I am today. I am mommy.I will not let the future fill me with worry. Will this be difficult? Of course. We live in a society of what's next? But I am blessed. I have a husband that will hold my hand along the way and a God who is so big I cannot fathom what he has in store for me and my family.

Here I am starting my twenty seventh year and God has been faithful every step of the way. Through the ups and downs and I know He will continue to be. I just hope time doesn't slip away to fast on me. I want to soak it all in. I am looking forward to enjoying chapter 27 ;)

Blessings to you and yours this new year.
Love from,

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